Tune of Depression
“$46.99” *beep*
“Thank you.”
“Thank you for shopping at Central Music Co.”
I didn’t honestly know what I was doing, I was’nt thinking at the time that I was going to be labeled after this and I didn’t think through the consequences that this decision would hold. I knew what I was going to go through by making this decision.
I wanted to have something to do freely. And how would I have done that? I’m not sure what I was thinking back then. I mean, what kind of 16 year old would do such a thing as that?
Why did I get a ukulele when I knew no one in my life would support me through it, especially my brother. He didn’t even want me in his house, but he just had to take custody over me because our parents were gone.. I walked down the middle of the empty street making my way home, wiping my sweaty hands on my shirt. I already knew that Bryan probably wasn’t going to be home; but he would get there soon. I traveled up the long sloped sidewalk leading up to the house hid it under some junk on the corner of the porch, and walked in. I sat on the couch and took the small guitar out of the case that I borrowed from the store. I run my fingers over and across it, plucking the new strings. What an idiot of me, I didn’t even know how to play this nic-nac of an instrument.
At 2AM when I was in bed the lights turned on and I heard footsteps. Bryan’s home. I walk into the living room as I find Bryan coming in abruptly with four other guys who are probably going to pass out. “Looks like I’m sleeping on the couch tonight-”
“Your sleeping outside, jerk.” He shoves me out and when I try to get back in, I hear the lock turn. I see one of his friends in the window laughing at me. Bryan got a piece of paper and wrote on it then put it up on the window. ‘Die.’I just stood there until they walked away into another room.
I look at the pile of junk. I dug through it and found the ukulele. I had to try at some point. I lifted it up and just stood still, again. I was just staring at it; with no thoughts running through my mind, nothing at all. I stood there on the porch for so long I forgot that I was even existent anymore. After I zoned out for more than I needed to, I started to walk down the road. I don’t know why I always walked on the road, did I think sidewalks were overrated or something? I looked everywhere for somewhere quiet.
I found a big, lush forest behind some apartments. I walk through, but not very deep; I tried to avoid sharp things, because I was barefoot. I try to teach myself how to play. I couldn’t do it at all. It all came out fuzzy and nothing worked. I got aggravated and at one point I fell asleep. I woke up when the sun was up. I heard a branch fall down and leaves rustling around. I listened closely. I heard some sort of growling so I quickly grabbed my ukulele and ran off. I came home to Bryan sleeping on the couch with a bottle in his left hand. There is throw up all over the floor. One of them was awake and came to the door.
“Get outta here twerp!” I tried for my own sake and not listen to whoever he was and I struggled to get past him. “Don’t even try.” He growled. He slammed the door on me.
I waited by the side of the house for them to leave. I saw two hop in their car and drive home and I think there might still be about two of them still in the house. It was about three o’clock when the last two guys left. I attempted to pry open the back door when I then realized it was already open. Bryan was still asleep. I knew he was going to demand me to clean everything when he woke up so I started early. He woke up when I was vacuuming the wet throw-up on the carpet.
“I told you to die and you still didn’t listen.” Bryan shouted over the vacuum.
“What are you going to do, kill me?” I said as I turned the vacuum off. I sighed at him and wrapped the chord around the handle, then tucked it away in the closet.
“I wish” he said. “If you don’t buy some food tonight, I’m kicking you out.” Bryan tossed on his leather jacket and went off to his girlfriend Brook house. When he left I laid on the couch. I wrapped myself in a blanket and took a nap.
When I woke up, I wanted to go practice. I was barely motivated at all. I walked to the same part of the woods that I went to last night. Bryan came home with his girlfriend and they locked me out. I practiced for at least a week, still coming home to Bryan locking me out at night; until I came home and Bryan wasn’t there. I went inside and took the house phone into my hands. But all I got was a voicemail. I thought about calling his friends but none of them are really his friends and I didn’t know their numbers. My friend Blake called me and told me to come to the park because they see a good fight to join in on.
I said yes because if I said no I would be a wimp. I walked slowly towards the park. As I walked closer to the entrance of the park, I heard police sirens and I saw red and blue lights. I start to run back; I realized that running would be suspicious so I just walked back.
I looked around me as my eyes put there focus right towards a cafe. I start to drool so I look away fast. But when I look away I see all the warm lights around me. They all reminded me of the cafe lights, and the warm-looking bread through the window. The world starts to twirl around me. My feet moved uncontrollably under me. I started to feel dizzy. My body fell sideways. My saliva comes out through my mouth. I reached up thinking that the sky would have prevented me from falling. I feel top heavy and pound my head on the ground.
I opened my eyes and groaned. I had a slight blur in my sight and my head was throbbing, it was like a visiting headache. I closed my eyes because they were still getting used to the light and they were still blurry. I heard Bryan demand me open my eyes. I could see he had a long painful scar on his cheekbone. He yelled at me so violently and fast that I couldn’t understand anything, and then he shoved my ukulele in my face.
“What is this?” He said quietly but aggressively.
“I don’t know?”
“I said, WHAT IS THIS!?” he yelled “ANSWER” I stop breathing for a second but I finally come back to life.
“My ukulele-”
“WITH MY MONEY!? HUH!?”
“ I bought it with my money..”
“YOU AIN’T HAVE NO MONEY!” He shouted extra loud
“I worked at Brother’s Supermarket for a while..” He stabbed me with the end of the small guitar, hard enough that it left a bruise.
“Get your useless life out of here and that piece of junk out of here.” … “NOW!” Bryan dropped the ukulele on the ground and went to the other room. “JUST DIE ALREADY!” he added on.
I went out on the porch and I just strummed. I sat on one of the worn down rocking chairs when I heard a door open. A man that looked about 20 came out of the house beside me, weeping heavily. His hair was goldish-blonde but his crying face had taken all the energy away. He looked like he had been abused, physically and mentally. It took him a while to notice I was staring right at his face.
Even though he’d obviously been through something not so great, he smiled at me weakly; he had tear marks left right under his eyes.
“Hey.” I said, trying not to be really loud.
“Hey.” He said back. I asked to come over and sit with him on his porch if he didn’t mind.
“I sorta got a problem at my house..” He explained
“Same with me, but you can come over here I guess..” I answered. He walked over. He slumped over while he walked towards me. He had a very gloomy and tired look on his face, one that I could not explain. He jogged up the sloped sidewalk in front; walked over to me, and sat on the coffee table in between the two wooden chairs. “Don’t you want to sit in a chair?” I ask. He looked at me and shook his head.
“What is that?” He pointed to my ukulele
“It’s my ukulele,” I said
“How do ukuleles even exist here?” we laughed. “So, what’s going on?” he said, changing his whole expression.
“We don’t even know each other's names!” I said in a defensive way.
“Well then, I'm Gerald nice to meet you.”he jokingly said
“OH HELLO! MY NAME IS JIM!”I said going along with his ‘joke.’ “Well, my brother’s hated me my whole life since he had to take my custody,”
“What are you doing!? You’re old enough to get your own house! You’re in your twenties, aren't you!?” He said
“Oh, uh I’m sixteen.”
“Your sixteen? You look like you’re in your twenties!” He said. I laughed for a minute and rocked back and forth in my chair. But then he stared at me and grinned
“You are in your twenties; you're not much older than me,” I told him.
“You've got it all wrong boy, I’m 32” I raised my eyebrows until they ‘bout flew off my forehead. He snickered at me like I was crazy or something. He wanted me to play him some ukulele. I play my self taught, scrawny, notes to him.
“Do you have anything to write the music on?” He asked curiously.
“I can’t write music,” I told him. He asked me where I practiced ukulele, “In the woods…” he pats my back and gave me that look where you fold in your lips. The silence starts but quickly ends when he says, “Then let’s go on down there, where is it?” He pulled a receipt out of his pocket and started walking.
“Why do we need a receipt?”
“To write music, duh.” He answered. We walked down the road.
“You think sidewalks are overrated too?” I said, giggling. Who would've thought a sixteen year old could giggle? He laughed with me until we were there. We sat down a little bit off of the trail.
“You sing boy?” He asks. I shake my head, and he laughs. I had thought that he would have expected that. “I want to teach you how to write music-” I stop him right there and sigh.
“I’m not planning to be famous or something, I don’t even barely know how to play, I just play what sounds good,” I shrugged my shoulders.
“Then why’d you even buy it?” He asked with a wheezing laugh.
“I don’t even know.” I answered. He pulled a pack of cigarettes and a lighter out of his pocket. He put one in his mouth and lights it. We just sat there until he offered me one
“Oh, I don’t smoke,”I said. He laughed at that like it was the funniest thing he has ever heard.
“No one in this town does not smoke.” He handed me one of the cigarettes and I had put it between my pointer finger and my thumb like it was a dead hoary bat. He lit the end of mine and waited for me to start smoking.
“How do you do this?” I asked.
He laughed again and said, “You suck it up. Literally.” I strongly inhale it through. That was the dumbest decision I’ve made. Besides literally everything else that I’ve done in my life. It was just really stupid. I started to cough and wheeze.
“Boy, take it slow. Calm down.” He said, trying to calm me down. But instead of calming me down, he just got me annoyed. I threw the STILL LIT cigarette onto the leaves that we were sitting on. It started to catch on fire. He stood up and stomped on the dead cigarette.
“For goodness sake.” He moaned. I rolled my eyes at him. He tried to teach me to write music but OF COURSE it doesn’t work that way. We walked back into the neighborhood.
“Can we sleep at your house?” I asked him
"My wife won’t let me in.” He responds. I shook my head, stopped and stood, then looked at him. “So, then let’s go to your house,” He said to me.
“We can’t though,” I cried. We both looked at each other with disappointment plastered across our faces. He takes his hand and rubs the sides of his nose. We both sat down on the curb and looked up at the black sky. “Gerald,”
“Yes Jimmy boy?” He replied
“Why did your wife lock you out?” I said. He put his hands over his eyes and then pushed them up to his hair.
“She found out.” I tried to figure out what he was saying.
“What? She found out you were cheating? Or are you-”
“Both” he said while shaking his head. He covered his face and when he took them off his eyes were red and the bags under his eyes were wet. He looked surprised that I was still sitting there with him and didn’t run away. I patted his back while he kept crying.
“I have barely any money and now, no place to live. Nobody but me has kept me safe.” he cried heavily and laid down onto the grass. I laid down onto the grass with him and started to cry silently. The tears rolled of the side of my face.
“Hey Gerald,” I said. There was no response. “Gerald?” I looked at him. “GERALD?” I felt his heartbeat. “Oh. He’s sleeping.” I laughed to myself and then immediately fell asleep once I laid down again.
*Gerald woke me up when it was light out. He helped me get on my feet again. He looked at my body and then said,
“Have you been eatin’? You look awful skinny,” He said with sorrow in his voice. I shook my head and picked up my ukulele in one hand. “We’re going to go eat then- and you can’t say no,” He said in a demanding voice. He started walking towards the street. I didn’t move, not even a little bit.
“No. It’ll just waste your money,” I said in a small voice.
“You’re coming and you don't have a choice.” he came over to me and pushed my back to make me move. I tried to stand still but his push was to strong. I hadn’t had food since the week before.
Once he stopped pushing me and thought that I was ready to be able to walk with him, I stopped in the middle of the street and laid down. He didn’t look back until he got to the other side of the road. But when he did, he rushed back to me.
“I will not let you starve, even if I have to drag you on concrete,” he said in the most mannerly way that a person could say that in. He grabbed my foot and then looked me in the eye. “Why are you doing this to yourself?” he said in a whiny voice.
“I need to,” I say. He drops my foot then stands above my body. He looked at me, he looked at me just like my dad did when he got mad. I scooted away from him and sat back down on the curb. He took my arm and got me on my feet.
“I am not letting go until we get there.” he starts to pull me along the road. I try to pull away but there was no point in trying, because his grip was to strong to pull away from.
“LET GO!” I scream. He turns around, but doesn’t let go. I knew I was making a stupid decision but I couldn't help it even at the least. He pinches his face and his eye brows go up.
“What is wrong with you?” He says in a calm but offended voice. Gerald yanks me up and he keeps on pulling me. I don’t even try to yell again. We come across a Wendy’s and we walk in. Without me even ordering he says, “Two ten-piece chicken nuggets please.”
“That’ll be $10.12” Gerald gives him the money like it hurt to give it. I snickered at him.
“You spent almost $50.00 on a ukulele, shut up,” He said to me. I had no response so I just sat down at one of the booths. He brought the two baskets over and we started eating. I looked at my ukulele, sitting right beside me. I felt regret. I spent mainly all my funds on a stupid thing that I didn’t know how to play, nor had any history with.
“Gerald,” I said with a high-pitched voice
“Yea?”
“Why do you care about me? Why do you want me to live? Why are you already spending money on me?”
“Because I will cure you. I will cure you because that is the first step of success.” I stare at him. My face said ‘I know you will regret this’ I just stared at him like he was a psychopath. I stopped eating my chicken nuggѐts. He raised his eyebrows at me. He also stopped eating his chicken nuggѐts too. “You are helpless.” he said with a small laugh.
“I’m going to try to break into my own house. You wanna help?” I get up and grab my ukulele*
“Sure,” he smiled at me and stood up too. “But we can’t leave these chicken nuggets just sitting here,” he said while picking up his basket. We finished them up and left Wendy’s. We both walk down through the middle of the road. When we got to the side of the house, we saw Bryan’s girlfriend outside getting in her Chevy; Yea, she was spoiled rotten.
When she drove off, me and Gerald broke in through the back door. We walk right in and Bryan found us right there and then.
“WHO THE HECK IS THAT!?” Bryan yells. Gerald shows him his license and holds up his credit card.
“I would watch who your talking to.” Gerald scowled at him. I smiled. Bryan looked at him and rolled his eyes. “I know what your doing to this kid.” Bryan looked at him.
“No one in this neighborhood can afford to sue people so you can try and it will never work! Your just a random man who’s poor and has gotten kicked out of his own house!” He laughed so hard and almost fell to the floor.
“I have a lawyer.” he threatened. I knew he was lying, as I could see the knot in his throat- that he surprisingly didn’t swallow.
“You got no proof.” Bryan said, again with a huge chuckle. He gave me the death stare. I never thought I was going to be able to go back. Gerald walked up to him and pushed. Bryan punched his chest. I ran outside back into the ‘yard’ without bringing my ukulele outside. I put all my fingers through my hair then tore them out. I sat down on the dirt then swigged my head around. I grunt and stomp around. I scrunched my face up and tears sting my eyes. Four days had never felt so long.
I heard yelling through the door. I walk away from the house, stopping in the middle of every road I cross and wipe my face. I got to Blake’s apartment. I wait a few seconds before busting in his home. I go in. Literally I feel like nobody ever locked their door, like seriously.
He was laying across his couch watching TV. He turned his head slowly. “Is that you JAYLO?” he said, with a hiccup. I roll my eyes. He starts to laugh. “Your funny!” he giggled. He sounded like a toddler with a deep voice. I step over to him. He walks over to me and holds his arms out. “MOTHER, YOU CAME!!!” He said like it was at a family reunion. He laughed then hiccuped again and came over and hugged me. He almost never hugs me. I laughed because I knew he had had something. I peeled him off. I head back to the door and open it. It was weird seeing him like this because he was almost nineteen “MOOOOOOOMMMMM! Your leaving now!? You just got here!” He grabbed my arm and said, “Where’s the casserole!!??”
I left him no reply. He stayed silent and marches over to his couch again. He closed his eyes and went to sleep. I got out of there before he woke up and makes me pretend to be Donald Duck. I felt bad because his mom is dead, but he wouldn’t remember it the next day.
When I get out onto the street everything turns quiet. Nobody was walking on the sidewalk and no cars were going across the road. I didn’t want to go back to the house so I just walked around. The way I was feeling was not pleasant. I just felt worn down and sullen. All I wanted to do in that second was just throw my self into some grass and start to sleep. All I thought about was the consequences that my whole entire life would lead to.
I walked by my old school. I never missed that school. Ever. It was horrible and they didn’t barely take care of the children. I never thought that I would’ve needed education so I dropped out. Well I didn’t really ‘drop out’ I just stopped going. Bryan got cross and slashed me with his hand.
I went back to the house and hoped that I could just go right in and flop on my bed. I walked up the sidewalk. I couldn’t hear any yelling happening, so I slumped in. As soon as Bryan heard me he cranked his head around and stared at me.
“DON'T DARE YOU HURT ME AGAIN.” I screamed at him. His face turned from barbaric to a face with such horror that I could never describe again in my life. He stood up and walked towards me. He held my wrist until it suffocated. His face was tense.
“GET OUT OF MY LIFE! YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO BE USEFUL AND YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE!” he cried not because he was sad but because he never wanted me to be seen ever again. “WILL YOU JUST DIE AND NEVER RETURN TO THIS WORLD EVER AGAIN!”his grip on my wrist loosens but he didn’t stop. My face was red and my eyebrows strained as they were in a terrible position.
“I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!” he pushed me onto the floor and kicked my stomach. The veins in his neck toughened. I cried harder and harder as he went on yelling. The way I was crying was the way where you can’t breath because the knot in your throat covers your airway. I try to swallow but it doesn't work.
He grabs my ukulele tighter than when he grabbed my hand. He was yelling but I couldn’t hear him. I was trying to get the ukulele from him, and reached. But everything in the world was going slow. My body moved but it was on the lowest speed. He held the ukulele in both hands and smashed it on the ground.
The next thing I know it I’m outside in the forest with Gerald. Even though the forest was outside, it always felt like it was my house. It felt like I lived in a wooden mansion with leaves and dirt as the floor and branches with fluffy leaves as my roof. But whenever I got in the forest all that I thought of what to do is cry. I felt like I had jugs and jugs of stinging water that flooded out of my eyes and stained my skin.
“What should I do?” I said with a small whimper in my voice. He grinned and then laughed. “What’s funny?” he glared at me. I raised my eyebrows.
“We are going to get you a new ukulele!” he said expecting me to be super excited. I looked over at him.
“We’re broke. What kind of drugs are you on?” I held my forehead and then looked at him like he was crazy.
“Were gonna steal, duh.” I sat there cross-legged and stared into space until he said something “Since you’re to scared to steal then we’ll just not get you a ukulele! Simple,” Gerald explained. I rolled my eyes like he was an idiot.
“K. Let’s just go.” It was almost the time it was closing so we started walking.
“Wait. They has cameras.” he stopped and pulled his bottom lip back with his teeth.
“I have an idea,” he told me “But I’m not telling you” I lift my head and look up at the soon to be gone, clouds. “I never asked you, why aren’t you in school?”
“Dropped out,” I answered. He nodded his head. “How did you meet your wife?”
“I don’t even remember, probably at a club somewhere.” I nodded my head. We had four more blocks to walk.
“My brother wants me dead.” I spoke out.
He had no response. He looked at his phone and the time. He changed the subject and said, “My boyfriend really thinks you can positively make a career.”
When we got to the store, the guy was turning the sign and turning off the lights. Gerald knocked on the glass door and the worker turned to the door. He opened the door.
“Sorry we’re closing,” he said. Gerald showed his card and his ID. I smiled.
“We’ll video tape it ourselves. What is your number?”
“Sorry sir-”
“Or you can just stay here and watch,” Gerald suggested. The guy shrugged and went back in the store. He was ridiculous. Composing a whole entire song would take the whole night! We walked in and I headed right towards the ukuleles.
“Dude don’t touch those unless you’re buying.” I stared at him until my eyes popped out my head.
“We’re compo-” Gerald kicked me lightly in the shin. I coughed and then said “We’re testing” he looked at me and shook his head. I looked at Gerald and raised my eyebrows. We pick up a ukulele and I strum it right when I take it off the hook.
"How will I do this?"
"Play me three notes, will ya?" he sat down on a cushioned bench. I played three made up chords that I thought sounded good. I groaned
"This is stupid." I hang the ukulele back up. I sit down with him. he doesn't say anything and just starts hum."What would I even compose? My heritage is absolutely nothing."
"It doesn't need to be based around heritage. Just do what you want to do with it, be free with it."
"You are the most hippie-like person I've ever met here in Massachusetts." He smiles. We heard snoring and turned around to see the cashier was asleep. We got out of there and walked to his house.
"Your clothes have only changed twice in almost three weeks."
"Yup." I said with the most carelessness anybody could ever have. He told me that his soon to be ex-wife wasn't home so we could break into the back door.
He slept on the floor and I slept in his bed. I only had 4 hours of sleep.. I had even better sleep on dang leaves! I woke up tangled in the sheets. I thought about what Gerald said about the clothes and I started to raid through his closet. I found a Hoodie and some pants. I woke him up and told him I was going to find a job.
"I'm sleeping in," He told me through his pillow. I pulled my feet into my shoes and walked out the door. I knew that he was going to want to come with me so I stood and waited...and waited...AND WAITED. He finally came out, throwing on his coat as he came out as he said, "Can I come???" I sneered.
"I knew you would want to," I walked slowly lifting my foot up higher and higher ever step I take. "Where should I get a job?" I turn to him, still 'marching.'
"Good ol' ice cream shop," he said, while he grinned at me. I hated when he did that, it was just so stupid and cheesy. But we all got that one thing that everybody hates.
"I'm not working at a freaking ice cream shop," I said. He started to walk faster and he got ahead of me. He walked pretty fast for a tired man. Well, I mean, I did just have 4 hours of sleep that night, so I guess that explains it.
"To be famous you gotta have some money at first," he told me, he was walking even faster. I realized that he was heading to Ben & Bill's.
"Quit Bugg'n," I stopped walking and threw up my arms, he turned around and told me if I wanted a job or no job at all. "Yes I want a freaking job,"
"Then let's go!" Gerald said.
we both got back as a hired workers for Ben & Bill's. We went in the house and we watched The Fresh Prince of Bel Air on his tiny TV. At about 9:30 I saw a women with a 'Rachel' Haircut walked up the stairs to the house. Gerald groaned and got up off of the couch. The woman opened up the screened door. "Donna, this is not your house now, go away."
"It is if I have a key," she said. "Give me money."
"Give me your key."I could tell Gerald was getting irritated. "Give it. Or we go to the court now." apparently Donna is very sassy because she was holding out her hand, just for the money and not to trade. "NOW." She took the key out of her pocket and yanked it off her key chain.
"OK I did it, now give me money," He slammed the door and locked it, including the back door. I could hear her through the door. "I'll see you in the GOD DANG courts then!" she fumed.
"This is not illegal!" Gerald yelled back to her. "Wow she's just straight up stupid." I nodded my head. That night I slept on the floor and he slept on the bed. The next day, we went to work. This went on and on and on. Once in 2 days we ate and drunk water everyday. We got enough money to get myself a new ukulele. We decided to take off the weekends for work and we stayed at home on those weekends and practiced. The only thing that Gerald knew how to do was write music. He didn't know the chords, so we had a hard time trying to connect what goes to what.
"Can't I just have lessons?"
"You can, but we are going to have to work for it."
TO BE CONTINUED
“Thank you.”
“Thank you for shopping at Central Music Co.”
I didn’t honestly know what I was doing, I was’nt thinking at the time that I was going to be labeled after this and I didn’t think through the consequences that this decision would hold. I knew what I was going to go through by making this decision.
I wanted to have something to do freely. And how would I have done that? I’m not sure what I was thinking back then. I mean, what kind of 16 year old would do such a thing as that?
Why did I get a ukulele when I knew no one in my life would support me through it, especially my brother. He didn’t even want me in his house, but he just had to take custody over me because our parents were gone.. I walked down the middle of the empty street making my way home, wiping my sweaty hands on my shirt. I already knew that Bryan probably wasn’t going to be home; but he would get there soon. I traveled up the long sloped sidewalk leading up to the house hid it under some junk on the corner of the porch, and walked in. I sat on the couch and took the small guitar out of the case that I borrowed from the store. I run my fingers over and across it, plucking the new strings. What an idiot of me, I didn’t even know how to play this nic-nac of an instrument.
At 2AM when I was in bed the lights turned on and I heard footsteps. Bryan’s home. I walk into the living room as I find Bryan coming in abruptly with four other guys who are probably going to pass out. “Looks like I’m sleeping on the couch tonight-”
“Your sleeping outside, jerk.” He shoves me out and when I try to get back in, I hear the lock turn. I see one of his friends in the window laughing at me. Bryan got a piece of paper and wrote on it then put it up on the window. ‘Die.’I just stood there until they walked away into another room.
I look at the pile of junk. I dug through it and found the ukulele. I had to try at some point. I lifted it up and just stood still, again. I was just staring at it; with no thoughts running through my mind, nothing at all. I stood there on the porch for so long I forgot that I was even existent anymore. After I zoned out for more than I needed to, I started to walk down the road. I don’t know why I always walked on the road, did I think sidewalks were overrated or something? I looked everywhere for somewhere quiet.
I found a big, lush forest behind some apartments. I walk through, but not very deep; I tried to avoid sharp things, because I was barefoot. I try to teach myself how to play. I couldn’t do it at all. It all came out fuzzy and nothing worked. I got aggravated and at one point I fell asleep. I woke up when the sun was up. I heard a branch fall down and leaves rustling around. I listened closely. I heard some sort of growling so I quickly grabbed my ukulele and ran off. I came home to Bryan sleeping on the couch with a bottle in his left hand. There is throw up all over the floor. One of them was awake and came to the door.
“Get outta here twerp!” I tried for my own sake and not listen to whoever he was and I struggled to get past him. “Don’t even try.” He growled. He slammed the door on me.
I waited by the side of the house for them to leave. I saw two hop in their car and drive home and I think there might still be about two of them still in the house. It was about three o’clock when the last two guys left. I attempted to pry open the back door when I then realized it was already open. Bryan was still asleep. I knew he was going to demand me to clean everything when he woke up so I started early. He woke up when I was vacuuming the wet throw-up on the carpet.
“I told you to die and you still didn’t listen.” Bryan shouted over the vacuum.
“What are you going to do, kill me?” I said as I turned the vacuum off. I sighed at him and wrapped the chord around the handle, then tucked it away in the closet.
“I wish” he said. “If you don’t buy some food tonight, I’m kicking you out.” Bryan tossed on his leather jacket and went off to his girlfriend Brook house. When he left I laid on the couch. I wrapped myself in a blanket and took a nap.
When I woke up, I wanted to go practice. I was barely motivated at all. I walked to the same part of the woods that I went to last night. Bryan came home with his girlfriend and they locked me out. I practiced for at least a week, still coming home to Bryan locking me out at night; until I came home and Bryan wasn’t there. I went inside and took the house phone into my hands. But all I got was a voicemail. I thought about calling his friends but none of them are really his friends and I didn’t know their numbers. My friend Blake called me and told me to come to the park because they see a good fight to join in on.
I said yes because if I said no I would be a wimp. I walked slowly towards the park. As I walked closer to the entrance of the park, I heard police sirens and I saw red and blue lights. I start to run back; I realized that running would be suspicious so I just walked back.
I looked around me as my eyes put there focus right towards a cafe. I start to drool so I look away fast. But when I look away I see all the warm lights around me. They all reminded me of the cafe lights, and the warm-looking bread through the window. The world starts to twirl around me. My feet moved uncontrollably under me. I started to feel dizzy. My body fell sideways. My saliva comes out through my mouth. I reached up thinking that the sky would have prevented me from falling. I feel top heavy and pound my head on the ground.
I opened my eyes and groaned. I had a slight blur in my sight and my head was throbbing, it was like a visiting headache. I closed my eyes because they were still getting used to the light and they were still blurry. I heard Bryan demand me open my eyes. I could see he had a long painful scar on his cheekbone. He yelled at me so violently and fast that I couldn’t understand anything, and then he shoved my ukulele in my face.
“What is this?” He said quietly but aggressively.
“I don’t know?”
“I said, WHAT IS THIS!?” he yelled “ANSWER” I stop breathing for a second but I finally come back to life.
“My ukulele-”
“WITH MY MONEY!? HUH!?”
“ I bought it with my money..”
“YOU AIN’T HAVE NO MONEY!” He shouted extra loud
“I worked at Brother’s Supermarket for a while..” He stabbed me with the end of the small guitar, hard enough that it left a bruise.
“Get your useless life out of here and that piece of junk out of here.” … “NOW!” Bryan dropped the ukulele on the ground and went to the other room. “JUST DIE ALREADY!” he added on.
I went out on the porch and I just strummed. I sat on one of the worn down rocking chairs when I heard a door open. A man that looked about 20 came out of the house beside me, weeping heavily. His hair was goldish-blonde but his crying face had taken all the energy away. He looked like he had been abused, physically and mentally. It took him a while to notice I was staring right at his face.
Even though he’d obviously been through something not so great, he smiled at me weakly; he had tear marks left right under his eyes.
“Hey.” I said, trying not to be really loud.
“Hey.” He said back. I asked to come over and sit with him on his porch if he didn’t mind.
“I sorta got a problem at my house..” He explained
“Same with me, but you can come over here I guess..” I answered. He walked over. He slumped over while he walked towards me. He had a very gloomy and tired look on his face, one that I could not explain. He jogged up the sloped sidewalk in front; walked over to me, and sat on the coffee table in between the two wooden chairs. “Don’t you want to sit in a chair?” I ask. He looked at me and shook his head.
“What is that?” He pointed to my ukulele
“It’s my ukulele,” I said
“How do ukuleles even exist here?” we laughed. “So, what’s going on?” he said, changing his whole expression.
“We don’t even know each other's names!” I said in a defensive way.
“Well then, I'm Gerald nice to meet you.”he jokingly said
“OH HELLO! MY NAME IS JIM!”I said going along with his ‘joke.’ “Well, my brother’s hated me my whole life since he had to take my custody,”
“What are you doing!? You’re old enough to get your own house! You’re in your twenties, aren't you!?” He said
“Oh, uh I’m sixteen.”
“Your sixteen? You look like you’re in your twenties!” He said. I laughed for a minute and rocked back and forth in my chair. But then he stared at me and grinned
“You are in your twenties; you're not much older than me,” I told him.
“You've got it all wrong boy, I’m 32” I raised my eyebrows until they ‘bout flew off my forehead. He snickered at me like I was crazy or something. He wanted me to play him some ukulele. I play my self taught, scrawny, notes to him.
“Do you have anything to write the music on?” He asked curiously.
“I can’t write music,” I told him. He asked me where I practiced ukulele, “In the woods…” he pats my back and gave me that look where you fold in your lips. The silence starts but quickly ends when he says, “Then let’s go on down there, where is it?” He pulled a receipt out of his pocket and started walking.
“Why do we need a receipt?”
“To write music, duh.” He answered. We walked down the road.
“You think sidewalks are overrated too?” I said, giggling. Who would've thought a sixteen year old could giggle? He laughed with me until we were there. We sat down a little bit off of the trail.
“You sing boy?” He asks. I shake my head, and he laughs. I had thought that he would have expected that. “I want to teach you how to write music-” I stop him right there and sigh.
“I’m not planning to be famous or something, I don’t even barely know how to play, I just play what sounds good,” I shrugged my shoulders.
“Then why’d you even buy it?” He asked with a wheezing laugh.
“I don’t even know.” I answered. He pulled a pack of cigarettes and a lighter out of his pocket. He put one in his mouth and lights it. We just sat there until he offered me one
“Oh, I don’t smoke,”I said. He laughed at that like it was the funniest thing he has ever heard.
“No one in this town does not smoke.” He handed me one of the cigarettes and I had put it between my pointer finger and my thumb like it was a dead hoary bat. He lit the end of mine and waited for me to start smoking.
“How do you do this?” I asked.
He laughed again and said, “You suck it up. Literally.” I strongly inhale it through. That was the dumbest decision I’ve made. Besides literally everything else that I’ve done in my life. It was just really stupid. I started to cough and wheeze.
“Boy, take it slow. Calm down.” He said, trying to calm me down. But instead of calming me down, he just got me annoyed. I threw the STILL LIT cigarette onto the leaves that we were sitting on. It started to catch on fire. He stood up and stomped on the dead cigarette.
“For goodness sake.” He moaned. I rolled my eyes at him. He tried to teach me to write music but OF COURSE it doesn’t work that way. We walked back into the neighborhood.
“Can we sleep at your house?” I asked him
"My wife won’t let me in.” He responds. I shook my head, stopped and stood, then looked at him. “So, then let’s go to your house,” He said to me.
“We can’t though,” I cried. We both looked at each other with disappointment plastered across our faces. He takes his hand and rubs the sides of his nose. We both sat down on the curb and looked up at the black sky. “Gerald,”
“Yes Jimmy boy?” He replied
“Why did your wife lock you out?” I said. He put his hands over his eyes and then pushed them up to his hair.
“She found out.” I tried to figure out what he was saying.
“What? She found out you were cheating? Or are you-”
“Both” he said while shaking his head. He covered his face and when he took them off his eyes were red and the bags under his eyes were wet. He looked surprised that I was still sitting there with him and didn’t run away. I patted his back while he kept crying.
“I have barely any money and now, no place to live. Nobody but me has kept me safe.” he cried heavily and laid down onto the grass. I laid down onto the grass with him and started to cry silently. The tears rolled of the side of my face.
“Hey Gerald,” I said. There was no response. “Gerald?” I looked at him. “GERALD?” I felt his heartbeat. “Oh. He’s sleeping.” I laughed to myself and then immediately fell asleep once I laid down again.
*Gerald woke me up when it was light out. He helped me get on my feet again. He looked at my body and then said,
“Have you been eatin’? You look awful skinny,” He said with sorrow in his voice. I shook my head and picked up my ukulele in one hand. “We’re going to go eat then- and you can’t say no,” He said in a demanding voice. He started walking towards the street. I didn’t move, not even a little bit.
“No. It’ll just waste your money,” I said in a small voice.
“You’re coming and you don't have a choice.” he came over to me and pushed my back to make me move. I tried to stand still but his push was to strong. I hadn’t had food since the week before.
Once he stopped pushing me and thought that I was ready to be able to walk with him, I stopped in the middle of the street and laid down. He didn’t look back until he got to the other side of the road. But when he did, he rushed back to me.
“I will not let you starve, even if I have to drag you on concrete,” he said in the most mannerly way that a person could say that in. He grabbed my foot and then looked me in the eye. “Why are you doing this to yourself?” he said in a whiny voice.
“I need to,” I say. He drops my foot then stands above my body. He looked at me, he looked at me just like my dad did when he got mad. I scooted away from him and sat back down on the curb. He took my arm and got me on my feet.
“I am not letting go until we get there.” he starts to pull me along the road. I try to pull away but there was no point in trying, because his grip was to strong to pull away from.
“LET GO!” I scream. He turns around, but doesn’t let go. I knew I was making a stupid decision but I couldn't help it even at the least. He pinches his face and his eye brows go up.
“What is wrong with you?” He says in a calm but offended voice. Gerald yanks me up and he keeps on pulling me. I don’t even try to yell again. We come across a Wendy’s and we walk in. Without me even ordering he says, “Two ten-piece chicken nuggets please.”
“That’ll be $10.12” Gerald gives him the money like it hurt to give it. I snickered at him.
“You spent almost $50.00 on a ukulele, shut up,” He said to me. I had no response so I just sat down at one of the booths. He brought the two baskets over and we started eating. I looked at my ukulele, sitting right beside me. I felt regret. I spent mainly all my funds on a stupid thing that I didn’t know how to play, nor had any history with.
“Gerald,” I said with a high-pitched voice
“Yea?”
“Why do you care about me? Why do you want me to live? Why are you already spending money on me?”
“Because I will cure you. I will cure you because that is the first step of success.” I stare at him. My face said ‘I know you will regret this’ I just stared at him like he was a psychopath. I stopped eating my chicken nuggѐts. He raised his eyebrows at me. He also stopped eating his chicken nuggѐts too. “You are helpless.” he said with a small laugh.
“I’m going to try to break into my own house. You wanna help?” I get up and grab my ukulele*
“Sure,” he smiled at me and stood up too. “But we can’t leave these chicken nuggets just sitting here,” he said while picking up his basket. We finished them up and left Wendy’s. We both walk down through the middle of the road. When we got to the side of the house, we saw Bryan’s girlfriend outside getting in her Chevy; Yea, she was spoiled rotten.
When she drove off, me and Gerald broke in through the back door. We walk right in and Bryan found us right there and then.
“WHO THE HECK IS THAT!?” Bryan yells. Gerald shows him his license and holds up his credit card.
“I would watch who your talking to.” Gerald scowled at him. I smiled. Bryan looked at him and rolled his eyes. “I know what your doing to this kid.” Bryan looked at him.
“No one in this neighborhood can afford to sue people so you can try and it will never work! Your just a random man who’s poor and has gotten kicked out of his own house!” He laughed so hard and almost fell to the floor.
“I have a lawyer.” he threatened. I knew he was lying, as I could see the knot in his throat- that he surprisingly didn’t swallow.
“You got no proof.” Bryan said, again with a huge chuckle. He gave me the death stare. I never thought I was going to be able to go back. Gerald walked up to him and pushed. Bryan punched his chest. I ran outside back into the ‘yard’ without bringing my ukulele outside. I put all my fingers through my hair then tore them out. I sat down on the dirt then swigged my head around. I grunt and stomp around. I scrunched my face up and tears sting my eyes. Four days had never felt so long.
I heard yelling through the door. I walk away from the house, stopping in the middle of every road I cross and wipe my face. I got to Blake’s apartment. I wait a few seconds before busting in his home. I go in. Literally I feel like nobody ever locked their door, like seriously.
He was laying across his couch watching TV. He turned his head slowly. “Is that you JAYLO?” he said, with a hiccup. I roll my eyes. He starts to laugh. “Your funny!” he giggled. He sounded like a toddler with a deep voice. I step over to him. He walks over to me and holds his arms out. “MOTHER, YOU CAME!!!” He said like it was at a family reunion. He laughed then hiccuped again and came over and hugged me. He almost never hugs me. I laughed because I knew he had had something. I peeled him off. I head back to the door and open it. It was weird seeing him like this because he was almost nineteen “MOOOOOOOMMMMM! Your leaving now!? You just got here!” He grabbed my arm and said, “Where’s the casserole!!??”
I left him no reply. He stayed silent and marches over to his couch again. He closed his eyes and went to sleep. I got out of there before he woke up and makes me pretend to be Donald Duck. I felt bad because his mom is dead, but he wouldn’t remember it the next day.
When I get out onto the street everything turns quiet. Nobody was walking on the sidewalk and no cars were going across the road. I didn’t want to go back to the house so I just walked around. The way I was feeling was not pleasant. I just felt worn down and sullen. All I wanted to do in that second was just throw my self into some grass and start to sleep. All I thought about was the consequences that my whole entire life would lead to.
I walked by my old school. I never missed that school. Ever. It was horrible and they didn’t barely take care of the children. I never thought that I would’ve needed education so I dropped out. Well I didn’t really ‘drop out’ I just stopped going. Bryan got cross and slashed me with his hand.
I went back to the house and hoped that I could just go right in and flop on my bed. I walked up the sidewalk. I couldn’t hear any yelling happening, so I slumped in. As soon as Bryan heard me he cranked his head around and stared at me.
“DON'T DARE YOU HURT ME AGAIN.” I screamed at him. His face turned from barbaric to a face with such horror that I could never describe again in my life. He stood up and walked towards me. He held my wrist until it suffocated. His face was tense.
“GET OUT OF MY LIFE! YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO BE USEFUL AND YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE!” he cried not because he was sad but because he never wanted me to be seen ever again. “WILL YOU JUST DIE AND NEVER RETURN TO THIS WORLD EVER AGAIN!”his grip on my wrist loosens but he didn’t stop. My face was red and my eyebrows strained as they were in a terrible position.
“I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!” he pushed me onto the floor and kicked my stomach. The veins in his neck toughened. I cried harder and harder as he went on yelling. The way I was crying was the way where you can’t breath because the knot in your throat covers your airway. I try to swallow but it doesn't work.
He grabs my ukulele tighter than when he grabbed my hand. He was yelling but I couldn’t hear him. I was trying to get the ukulele from him, and reached. But everything in the world was going slow. My body moved but it was on the lowest speed. He held the ukulele in both hands and smashed it on the ground.
The next thing I know it I’m outside in the forest with Gerald. Even though the forest was outside, it always felt like it was my house. It felt like I lived in a wooden mansion with leaves and dirt as the floor and branches with fluffy leaves as my roof. But whenever I got in the forest all that I thought of what to do is cry. I felt like I had jugs and jugs of stinging water that flooded out of my eyes and stained my skin.
“What should I do?” I said with a small whimper in my voice. He grinned and then laughed. “What’s funny?” he glared at me. I raised my eyebrows.
“We are going to get you a new ukulele!” he said expecting me to be super excited. I looked over at him.
“We’re broke. What kind of drugs are you on?” I held my forehead and then looked at him like he was crazy.
“Were gonna steal, duh.” I sat there cross-legged and stared into space until he said something “Since you’re to scared to steal then we’ll just not get you a ukulele! Simple,” Gerald explained. I rolled my eyes like he was an idiot.
“K. Let’s just go.” It was almost the time it was closing so we started walking.
“Wait. They has cameras.” he stopped and pulled his bottom lip back with his teeth.
“I have an idea,” he told me “But I’m not telling you” I lift my head and look up at the soon to be gone, clouds. “I never asked you, why aren’t you in school?”
“Dropped out,” I answered. He nodded his head. “How did you meet your wife?”
“I don’t even remember, probably at a club somewhere.” I nodded my head. We had four more blocks to walk.
“My brother wants me dead.” I spoke out.
He had no response. He looked at his phone and the time. He changed the subject and said, “My boyfriend really thinks you can positively make a career.”
When we got to the store, the guy was turning the sign and turning off the lights. Gerald knocked on the glass door and the worker turned to the door. He opened the door.
“Sorry we’re closing,” he said. Gerald showed his card and his ID. I smiled.
“We’ll video tape it ourselves. What is your number?”
“Sorry sir-”
“Or you can just stay here and watch,” Gerald suggested. The guy shrugged and went back in the store. He was ridiculous. Composing a whole entire song would take the whole night! We walked in and I headed right towards the ukuleles.
“Dude don’t touch those unless you’re buying.” I stared at him until my eyes popped out my head.
“We’re compo-” Gerald kicked me lightly in the shin. I coughed and then said “We’re testing” he looked at me and shook his head. I looked at Gerald and raised my eyebrows. We pick up a ukulele and I strum it right when I take it off the hook.
"How will I do this?"
"Play me three notes, will ya?" he sat down on a cushioned bench. I played three made up chords that I thought sounded good. I groaned
"This is stupid." I hang the ukulele back up. I sit down with him. he doesn't say anything and just starts hum."What would I even compose? My heritage is absolutely nothing."
"It doesn't need to be based around heritage. Just do what you want to do with it, be free with it."
"You are the most hippie-like person I've ever met here in Massachusetts." He smiles. We heard snoring and turned around to see the cashier was asleep. We got out of there and walked to his house.
"Your clothes have only changed twice in almost three weeks."
"Yup." I said with the most carelessness anybody could ever have. He told me that his soon to be ex-wife wasn't home so we could break into the back door.
He slept on the floor and I slept in his bed. I only had 4 hours of sleep.. I had even better sleep on dang leaves! I woke up tangled in the sheets. I thought about what Gerald said about the clothes and I started to raid through his closet. I found a Hoodie and some pants. I woke him up and told him I was going to find a job.
"I'm sleeping in," He told me through his pillow. I pulled my feet into my shoes and walked out the door. I knew that he was going to want to come with me so I stood and waited...and waited...AND WAITED. He finally came out, throwing on his coat as he came out as he said, "Can I come???" I sneered.
"I knew you would want to," I walked slowly lifting my foot up higher and higher ever step I take. "Where should I get a job?" I turn to him, still 'marching.'
"Good ol' ice cream shop," he said, while he grinned at me. I hated when he did that, it was just so stupid and cheesy. But we all got that one thing that everybody hates.
"I'm not working at a freaking ice cream shop," I said. He started to walk faster and he got ahead of me. He walked pretty fast for a tired man. Well, I mean, I did just have 4 hours of sleep that night, so I guess that explains it.
"To be famous you gotta have some money at first," he told me, he was walking even faster. I realized that he was heading to Ben & Bill's.
"Quit Bugg'n," I stopped walking and threw up my arms, he turned around and told me if I wanted a job or no job at all. "Yes I want a freaking job,"
"Then let's go!" Gerald said.
we both got back as a hired workers for Ben & Bill's. We went in the house and we watched The Fresh Prince of Bel Air on his tiny TV. At about 9:30 I saw a women with a 'Rachel' Haircut walked up the stairs to the house. Gerald groaned and got up off of the couch. The woman opened up the screened door. "Donna, this is not your house now, go away."
"It is if I have a key," she said. "Give me money."
"Give me your key."I could tell Gerald was getting irritated. "Give it. Or we go to the court now." apparently Donna is very sassy because she was holding out her hand, just for the money and not to trade. "NOW." She took the key out of her pocket and yanked it off her key chain.
"OK I did it, now give me money," He slammed the door and locked it, including the back door. I could hear her through the door. "I'll see you in the GOD DANG courts then!" she fumed.
"This is not illegal!" Gerald yelled back to her. "Wow she's just straight up stupid." I nodded my head. That night I slept on the floor and he slept on the bed. The next day, we went to work. This went on and on and on. Once in 2 days we ate and drunk water everyday. We got enough money to get myself a new ukulele. We decided to take off the weekends for work and we stayed at home on those weekends and practiced. The only thing that Gerald knew how to do was write music. He didn't know the chords, so we had a hard time trying to connect what goes to what.
"Can't I just have lessons?"
"You can, but we are going to have to work for it."
TO BE CONTINUED